Turning 34 has been a profound period of self-discovery and growth for me. This milestone has brought clarity about who I am and what I want to achieve. I've found myself reflecting deeply on my motivations and the reasons behind my dreams, especially my desire to help others. While I've received immense support, I've also faced moments of betrayal from those close to me. This realization has been tough, making me confront the people-pleasing tendencies rooted in my fear of being alone.
Seeking deeper understanding, I turned to God, my angels, and my ancestors, asking for guidance to confront and overcome this fear. I knew I couldn't be my authentic self without honesty in my relationships. It's been essential to move beyond simply "saving face" and acknowledge my own pain, even when it's hidden behind a smile. I've come to understand that walking a path of kindness and compassion doesn't mean becoming a dumping ground for others' burdens.
By embracing my shadow side, I've begun asking meaningful questions about my purpose and what makes me genuine. This journey of inner healing has been challenging but rewarding. Recently, a painful memory from 17 years ago resurfaced, a memory I had buried to avoid acknowledging the hurt caused by someone I loved. Over the years, I realized I had accepted this pain because I knew they were suffering too.
Loving someone deeply can sometimes mean getting caught in their chaos, leading to emotional, financial, spiritual, physical, and mental costs. Life lessons from various figures have taught me the importance of bearing others' burdens and supporting family. But, I've also learned that sometimes, family can let you down.
I've come to believe that lessons in life can be in cycles. If we don't learn them, we repeat old habits. By questioning my "why" more profoundly, I've realized the need for change. I aim to become a better version of myself and avoid repeating old cycles. This growth requires unlearning past experiences and embracing new ways of enrichment, which can be daunting, but necessary for personal transformation.
This journey often feels solitary, as not everyone understands or supports my new path. But pursuing a life of positivity, clarity, and happiness means doing what's best for me, even if it means leaving some people behind. It's okay to say goodbye with love at these crossroads.
I'm grateful for these crossroads, as they've allowed me to nurture my inner child, heal my pain with compassion, and revive my spirit's happiness. By caring for myself more, I've strengthened my boundaries with others, not out of fear, but for my well-being. Reality reminds me that we share this world with diverse perspectives, opinions, and experiences, but I choose to maintain my values of happiness, genuine connection, and good vibes.
A quote I came across resonated deeply with me: "Everybody grown until it’s time to communicate, apologize, or tell the truth." - Unknown. Many people struggle with honesty, starting with themselves. It takes courage to be honest with oneself and show up authentically. Navigating this world can be challenging until you find "your people," but it's crucial to stay true to who you are and your journey. I am committed to becoming the best version of myself, with genuine love and clarity.
I've made changes to my lifestyle, including my diet, exercise, and artistic outlets, to support my mental and emotional well-being. These systems help me navigate moments of clarity and discomfort. At 34, my commitment to becoming a better me is stronger than ever. I choose to speak my truth, seek my happiness, and avoid unnecessary stress. This year has marked the beginning of my journey to live authentically and proudly.
I dedicate this post to my grandfather, who passed away on June 1, 2024. He always expressed pride in me, knowing how alone I often felt. His wisdom, born from experience, and our shared desire for a life of peace and happiness created a special bond. Though he has transitioned, I am grateful for our shared stories and encouragement. His legacy lives on in me, and I am excited to continue this journey of life, carrying forward his love and wisdom. Thank you, Grandpa, for showing me a different perspective and walking alongside me in spirit.
Until next time,
Champagne Smoke 🌈🌸💛